I read an article a few months back about how the job market has become so bad that many of us are taking jobs we wouldn’t have considered for pay we would never have tolerated. The result is that the average employee now working at places like McDonald’s and Walmart has a degree and more diverse work experience than their peers on the same job. This phenomenon must not have been the case at two local retailers.
I walked into the local Walgreens the other night and this was the first thing I saw:
I cast a glance over to the kid behind the counter. He just shrugged and smirked at me.
Twenty minutes later on my way out he warned me, “Don’t slip on that wet carpet!”
We both got a snerk out of it.
Earlier in the week I was at the supermarket down the street when I spied a display sign that didn’t quite look right:
Even if they had typed it correctly to read “PORTION” it still would have made me giggle the whole way to the register.
Now we know why people like Rush Limbaugh have a radio show.
I had a front row seat last week to the dumbest traffic jam I have ever witnessed.
There is a one lane brick underpass down the road that has been around for at least 70 years. When it was constructed there were fewer cars in existence and they were reasonably sized at that. There is now a mall nearby, hence it sees a great deal of traffic these days. With all those people scurrying through in their ever-larger vehicles, it made me wonder from time to time: What would be the magic combination of fat-ass vehicles that could plug this toilet?
Well, Thursday afternoon I found out. A Hummer H2 and a Ford F350 with a trailer full of landscaping equipment. They didn’t exactly hit one another but they jammed into that tunnel so close and at such unreasonable angles that they simply could not get past each other. I was four cars behind the Ford. I could see the H2 in all of its grotesque glory, its driver screaming furiously at everyone as he was unable to move forward, back up or even open his door to get the hell out of his mammoth.
We sat there for about 28 minutes, waiting. For whom, I did not know. (Police? Fire department? PennDot? Superman?) In the interim, the man in the car in front of me got his dog out of the backseat and leashed it for a walk. Sure, why not? There will obviously not be anyone coming from either direction for a good long time. The rest of us were so bored that we sat in our cars, fiddling with cd players and radios, talking on our cell phones, playing solitaire, making origami with gas station receipts and meanwhile watched this dog walk the shoulder and label the landscape.
Finally an officer arrived from behind our half of the traffic. In my rear view mirror I could not count the cars that faded back into the horizon behind me. After some refereeing and yelling he managed to get a few of us to move perpendicular and scoot back a little. He got the Ford to back up. Immediately the H2 came surging out of the tunnel. The officer yelled for him to stop.
The icing on this cake is that he gave that bastard a ticket. We watched in giddy avarice as he wrote it out and handed it to him, with his license. Apparently he was so concerned about his paintjob that he was taking up too much room away from his side of the wall and was officially to blame for the whole affair. I was late for work but smirking the whole rest of the day.
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Anecdotes
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